SICKENING TRUTH

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This is all I want, is one person that knows what is wrong with me, without me having to tell them, I want them to know what I’m thinking about because of what I told them the night before, i don’t want to think I’ve forgotten about the thing that happened the previous night, and i don’t want them to think I’m okay just because i haven’t mentioned it, I don’t want them to ask if I’m okay, because I want them to know that I’m not, I just want them to know. Just one person. Because the 3 words I hate most are “are you okay?” And “what is wrong?” And I hate hearing those most from the people that I want to see that I’m not okay.

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yanilavigne:

(Quotes here)

I didn’t ask you to stay but thanks for everything

This year is 2013. I don’t know if it’s consider short or long but I have been puking and trying to starve myself since 2010. Honesty, I’m trying very hard to recover. I know all of you might think I’m lying but I am really trying… The longest time I ‘try’ to eat like a normal human being was like… 2 weeks only? Then I fall until now.
Majority find it shocking when they know I’ve ‘eating disorders’ and I’m not surprise because I’m not stick thin (though I wish I was) and of course, I eat a lot when I’m with my friends outside.
The reason why I eat a lot when I’m outside (more of trying to…) its because I don’t feel as guilty as always. At least, that would not harm my body that much right? Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT USING MY FRIENDS.
I’m not going to lie. I’m hating the fact that I’m not as light as before. I really miss my old body especially after I fell from my recovery. I’m just so stress right now, a very harmful bad stress.
Not to forget, I also regret telling all of you that I’ve ‘eating disorders’.
I feel that I’m a bad influence or I AM, I feel that people just sympathize me instead of being my real friends and I cause them lots of trouble and it ruins most of my friendships.
Many left. However, I didn’t really ask them to stay. If they want to leave, I let them leave but I will not let them go. If they need me, they could always talk to me. I know I did say I give up but little part of me, refuse to let go. Yup, that’s me.
I thank them for everything… Bad or good ones, I appreciate it.
I’m sorry if I hurt any of you.
I’m sorry if I fail to recover.
I’m sorry for not able to love myself.

Posted on 19 May, 2013